Before I Danced on the Ceiling, There Were the Sixties

The late 1960s and early 1970s brings back memories of my involvement in the music world. I remember telling Jimi Hendrix to give up the tuba and play guitar instead. His tuba rendition of “The Star Spangled Banner” and “Foxy Lady” were fantastic yet at the end  of his concerts he was try and set his tuba on fire. It just would not burn.nHe never quite mastered the guitar as he had the tuba, but he did alright.

I remember after one concert I told John Lennon and Paul McCartney about my time travel abilities and how, in the future, big names in music was be Madonna and Lady Gaga, and wouldn’t you know it, they sat right down and right a song entitled “Lady Madonna”? They initially entitled it “Gaga Madonna” but I thought “Lady Madonna” sounded better.

I missed Woodstock. I was in junior high school at the time and had an oral report to give. Plus I heard that traffic was bad and the place was getting muddy.

Not every contribution to music that I did worked out. I told William Shatner he should record his version of the song “Rocket Man”. I was just kidding. Actually, in retrospect, it is not that bad a song...nah, who am I kidding?

I tried convincing The Fifth Dimension to change their name because there are more than five dimensions, but they didn’t listen to me. Well, it is on them for being scientifically incorrect.

I told the Jackson Six that they would be better without Cousin Elwood’s off key falsetto. Sorry, Elwood, but I do believe I was right.

I do hate it when song writers put my personal experiences into the songs. I find myself often having to make corrections to what they wrote. I shot a man in Reno, yet he as a foreign spy about to assassinate one of our agents. I only watched to make sure he was dead. I did not leave the cake out in the rain and I did not lose the recipe. Joe DiMaggio hadn’t gone anywhere, and I never said he was missing. I never once said “In a Gadda Da Vida”, I said “you gotta see this Danny DeVito.” Yes, my chewing gum loses its flavor on the bedpost overnight, please stop asking.

My biggest regret was breaking up the Beatles. I did not do it intentionally. All four kept asking me for music advice and it got so much I told them I couldn’t work with all four of them. I told Ringo he would do much better on his own, and things sort of when downhill from there. I thought they could always give Pete Best a ring and have him drum while Ringo went out on a solo career. It seems once Ringo left, John quit, then Paul, and then George, realizing all the others had quit, quit. At one point we were thinking of bringing back the Beatles with Pete Best, Eric Clapton, Jimi Hendrix, and Boxcar Willie, but that didn’t pan out either.

I also misjudged the return of barbershop quarters. I thought for certain they would outsell acid rock, but I got that one wrong. There was one barbershop quarter that did a fantastic cover of Pink Floyd songs but they never took off, either. I guess there is no understanding the musical tastes of the public at times.